9.11.2007

Poker Ninja Design, and the Night I Took Down Johnny Chan

An Op-Ed from Jerry (an ex-banker-turned-lewd-couch-potato ninja):

"I once entered a free online poker tournament. There were about 200 contestants, all cheap bastards like myself. After a grueling 3 hours of Texas Holdem style combat, I emerged victorious - almost. I came in 2nd out of those 200 combatants, and won a fat $80. Had I invested that $80 in Microsoft I might have a lot of money to push people around with. I would threaten to take them out of my will if they didn't cook me meatloaf on alternate Sundays... But I digress.

This design has power. It is being printed on T-shirts around the world, and will one day be worn upon my victorious shoulders as I raise Johnny Chan with my pocket 2-7 off suit. He laughs. Johnny's got pocket kings. He goes all in. I'm wearing my T-shirt that says I'm a ninja. "Damn, Johnny! Don't you know I'm crazy!" I scream as I push in all my chips.

The flop comes. All 2's and 7's. It's the ugliest flop Johnny's ever seen. He laughs in my face, spittle crossing the tense air between us and landing on my face. I wipe it off. I turn over my cards now and show Johnny my sloppy full house of 2's and 7's. Johnny's face goes ashen.

"What's up, biatch?" I taunt, the crowd booing me vigorously. "You should have remembered what my shirt says."

Johnny is broken, I am rich beyond my wildest dreams, and who gives a hoot about that crappy online poker tournament in which I once placed second."

Jerry is a former banker who dropped out, became a ninja, and now lives off the grid somewhere in Alabama. His most recent book is entitled: "Cheating Online Poker: How to Drink Warm Beer and Stay in Your Pajamas All Day - AND MAKE MONEY DOING IT!"

2 comments:

SandGirl said...

Awesome. Truly awesome take down of the man. Now wake up and stop smoking.

I did get one of your shirts if that makes you happy:)

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