As we all know, the Department of Homeland Security instituted a Home Land Security Advisory System, complete with color-coded levels indicating the appropriate level of civilian fear and paranoia. The "severe threat" level is usually cranked up at politically opportune times, inducing a perpetual state of fear and loathing and cowardice in an otherwise freedom-loving American populace.
But our misleaders have failed to protect us against an even-more deadly threat than terrorism, one that stalks the night, climbs through our windows, and assassinates us with stealthy ease - the motherf*cking ninjas!
Just follow the news on this blog's side bar if you don't believe me!
In order to properly address our government's shortcomings, and to create a necessary culture of fear where it is properly needed, please wear this Ninja Security Advisory System severe threat indicator, and spread the word that ninjas are among us and ready to unleash their devious plans, which often entail death by throwing stars and sneak attacks.